Tuesday, June 15, 2010

art:life

I learned through Contact Improvisation that art is making choices. It's continuously asking yourself if this is what you want, do you like it, who is it for, what does it mean, does it mean anything, again and again, "Do I like this?". Even going to a counselor at some point in my life, they focused on "asking for what you need".

It may be just me, but I see parallels, and I wrote about this many times in Contact Improv. Everyday life is art. What you do and how you live is an active choice. You have to know what you want, even if that means "I want a journey that involves me NOT making choices".

It seems that I am always relearning to ask for or pursue what I need or want. I could be crabby at someone cause they're annoying the shit at me, or I could realize that what I actually want is a solid meaningful conversation and try to begin that with them. I'm not sure that this makes sense to anyone else, but it sure as hell is helping me out :)

i might be selling my dad's camera he gave me earlier this year :(
I think it's to go towards his new fancy camera he's getting for fathers day.
we'll see.
I'll be sure to ask for what I need :)

Thursday, June 3, 2010

I think I'm starting to understand this in a new way

People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~Abraham Lincoln


I used to think it was just a way to make yourself more pleasant or happy. Just decide to be happy and you will be. It's inducing false emotion. persuading. not a true decision or desire.

i''m coming to think of it as a mindset. how much of stress and discontent is because of how I view life. Sometimes I think of it as a story, and wonder if people would like to read my story. I look at pictures and I put labels on it, saying "she was "the crazy girl" that night" - as if everything would fit into this mould. I'm so focused on NOW that I don't see the journey. Where I am in life is STILL about development and learning how to make choices and be me. I don't know if that will ever not be true (there I go, focusing on NOW). I think I might view a lifetime or my story as too long and unpredictable to know what kind of philosophy will serve me best. It's weird. I have no idea how I got to these thoughts. Will this make sense when I read it later? Does this even make sense to you?