Transitions

Here I sit, finished with teacher training (essentially) completed.

           Time really flies. I know it's cliché, but it really does seem like yesterday I was putting on my cap and gown to walk across the stage, or even unpacking my room at Luther for the last time (after which I totally called my mom and asked her to come get me).

          Transitions and sentiments aside, I'm going to tell you where I'm at (intentionally ending a sentence with a preposition).
So, about this student teacher business. It's pretty awesome, once I forced myself to forget that I'm paying 10,000 to "work" in a public school (I'm really not working that much, at least, so far...). I was nerdily excited to go to teacher training. I've only been hearing about how boring and possibly frustrating it is for, uh.... my entire life (both of my parents work in public schools). Despite the nay sayers, I thought it would be great. And it was.

           Teacher training was satisfactory. Not the "S" or "ME" meaning satisfactory or meets expectations on elementary report cards, but the kind of satisfaction you get after doing something on your own for the first time, or not getting a speeding ticket when you're actually speeding (not that I have experience in that... cause I always get tickets). It was so satisfying not because we did the most effective ice-breakers or because the teacher's union speaker was the most inspiring 20 minutes of my life, but because it felt like the change I've been (anxiously) waiting for. It was, honestly, an appropriate and expected mix of boring and exciting.


             One of my friends said she's been worried about me because she knows how I deal with change. I really still haven't decided how I feel about that sentence, but whatever. So, that statement, and my satisfaction from this change in my life caused me to think a bit about change. I'd be lying to you if I told you this summer and school year have been the best of my life. I've been reflecting on the past year and a half and am amazed at where I've been (physically, emotionally, academically, etc). So much happened that I could not have predicted, including a senior recital I'm genuinely proud of and the surprising and challenging loss of my grandmother. It's been a (clichéd) roller coaster, full of changes, smiles, and tears.

              As someone who historically holds a lot of anxiety during times of transition, these past couple of months have been big ones for me. I graduated, traveled internationally, and then returned home to start a new, very demanding job (Dorian camp counselor POP POP!). Once that was all over, I thought, "now what? oh right, summer....". It was pretty much July, and I found out from my parents that they were selling our home. I was preparing lots of lists and my ability to suppress tears at TWO weddings of people who are important to me, and was still wondering about that big thing coming up, oh yeah, student teaching. That thing that I've been preparing FOUR YEARS for that has the strong probability of telling me if I'm any good at my chosen profession or if it makes me happy. (I know, I put all sorts of pressure on myself that I DONT NEED).

SO. two months of all of that. getting ready, work, getting ready, work, work, not crying, getting ready, work, not crying, work. ALL. THE. TIME. honestly, I enjoyed it. It was high intensity - which I love, it was about other people (mostly) - which I also love, and it was all for good things (student teaching, weddings, being financially independent). it just was kind of exhausting, and yet, I cried a lot as I drove away from one wedding to get ready to move for student teaching. I was NOT ready to make a change, even though that's all I'd been thinking about for two months.


+TOTAL SWITCH OF TOPICS THAT WILL EVENTUALLY MAKE SENSE, hopefully.+

            I went for a walk/run in Waseca yesterday. It was awful/awesome. I made myself do it, even though I really didn't want to. Ethan told me where there was a nice trail, and how to get back through town, and off I went in my Nordic tee and yoga capris (classic, I know). About 2 blocks down this path, I started to feel excellent. Mostly because it felt like Decorah, but whatever. I was ghetto jamming on a BEAUTIFUL summery/fall path. I was enjoying exercise outside (which hasn't really happened since spring). I was in a new place and I felt like a me I'd forgotten in Decorah. The sun was just starting to go down, so it was bright but soft, and I slowed down just to enjoy where I was. In rural Minnesota. yep, I just said that. I think it felt good because it was change. The leaves were crunching under my asics and I was sweating outside in a beautiful place.

            So what's different? Why did this change in location, season, and sensation (of self) not make me anxious, and the other changes did? Maybe they're all part of one, and seasons are expected to change like friggin clockwork (which I LOVE). I don't know, really, and I'm totally okay with that. It's just a lesson to myself that sometimes the things I fear and worry about the most will feel the best.

I'm absolutely JACKED about my teaching placement, and can't wait for the kiddos to come for school on Tuesday.

I'm also absolutely JACKED that Carah and Michael are now married, and in four days, I'll be able to say the same about my brother, Drew and his awesome fiancé, Danielle.