things i don't want to forget

Two days ago I went back and read through my old blog (not the whole thing... that would be a huge feat). There were so many little things that I had forgotten; things that had been huge to me at the time. I love and hate that at the same time. I love the idea that I (and my perspective) am changing all the time. I don't love the idea that I forget who I have been. In a sense... I'm always the same person, but in a different sense, I am a different person every day. I read through one or two of my friend's journals and I couldn't help but wonder if he/she had forgotten all those things just as I had.

I actually came to this site to store little blips I don't want to forget. things i like, things i don't like, things that make me think or things that make me stop.

So don’t treat classical music as a once-a-year excuse to dress up and get a nice dinner. It is music. It’s meant to be loved by the young, hormone-crazed masses, loved the very same way we love Radiohead and the Arcade Fire. It should lie at the center of everyday life, spark our wildest conversations and profoundest thoughts, be the soundtrack to falling in love. There’s a galaxy of music in our city that needs our love, and I know we’ve got it in us.

-http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2009/09/13/even_a_radiohead_fan_can_appreciate_mozart/

“ You must have room or a certain hour of the day or so where you do not know what is in the morning paper. A place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are or might be.”

– Joseph Campbell

that's all i've got for today.

except that for, as much as I love Luther College, damn it feels good to be home (a gangster).

OH PS! my one year birthday as Emmalee is TOMORROW!

canned commitments

with so many relationships around me ending, beginning, fading, and glowing, I just have been thinking and observing a lot... which leads me to questions. what's really getting me is how similar people "should" be to their significant other. One of my friends said that her new boyfriend and here are practically the same person, and that's new for her. Previously, she couldn't imagine that being desirable or functional at all, but it's perfect for her now. Is there some sort of base line, a "our life goals are the same" that needs to be established in order for a relationship to be a positive, worthwhile, long lasting experience? Can i be totally opposite from someone else and be in love with them? Is that a matter of personal preference? If you opperate the same way, is that little bit of fear about how the other will react gone? Do you just spend time getting acquainted and comfortable with one another? Is learned love like that more or less intense and worthwhile than wild (meaning occuring naturally) world.

okay this was going to be long and thoughtful, but i'm too tired.

goodnight. for now.

Which Way Your Heart Will Go

Upon viewing "Jesus Camp", a documentary about evangelical children's ministry, it became more clear to me how completely and naturally people can be so opposite. People either come into the world with really strong personalities or they're somehow formed, either actively or inactively, by the people they're surrounded by. Though I am a thoughful person who questions intentions and direction with each person and event, I am a creation of my surroundings. It reminds me of Chuck Klosterman's writing in Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs; A Low Culture Manifesto;   "In and of itself, nothing really matters. What matters is that nothing is ever 'in and of itself.'" 

I guess something else that became clearer to me is how strong persuasion is, which really makes me question how strong the human brain is. Re-reading that sentence, I'm not sure the human brain is weak at all. I think personal thought and individual actions are hard to come by and especially difficult to have in an environment that seeks to assimilate. Now I'm just wondering, how many groups or systems am I a part of that tries to assimilate. It's not always a bad thing to try to group people. It's probably a wonderful idea at many points, but how do you make that differentiation clear to people who abuse the power of the human spirit? And really, who agrees on the point at which any of these actions are abuse?

-Emmalee

"From which direction are you looking?"

Today was my first day of teaching and it was awesome. I am Ms. Johnson.... and I almost can't handle how cute my little violinists and violists are. They wanted to play so bad, I broke their little hearts taking away their bows. There are some funny little kids in there, and I'm really excited to watch them grow! 

Anywhatsit, Megan and I went to bdubs tonight and man did I chow down. Whenever I go to bdubs I always feel so MANLY.... just because of how spicy i like 'em (which really isn't that spicy, but for me it's a big D). 

i really haven't been practicing and that's BAAAAAd. I've been listening to a lot of Judy Garland and Porgy and Bess, if that counts ;) ..... probably not. 

tomorrow's the meeting on sodexo at luther and I still haven't decided weather or not I'm driving down there.  I probably should've done that by now.... woops.

Orange Crush

I am slowly learning when to say "when"; when enough is enough. Everyday things, such as when to say, it's okay that this paint tray is still a little green, and when it's worth it to keep those paint brushes looking great by spending an extra 10 minutes on them. 

I decided today that I'm worth more to me than I have been treating myself as. I am more than just what others think or see of me. I am more than who I associate myself with, the clothes I choose to wear, my major, the pieces I perform, and both my successes and failures. I am simply more than that. 

I am so relieved to be home. Luther is such a wonderful place, but truly when finals week started (and the semester "ended"), I said to myself, "I do not want to do that again". I really didn't, and I still don't.  A lot of people I know can't wait for summer to be over, they just want to be back on campus. Me, no thanks. I love luther college, but man do I need a break. 

I think this summer is probably going to teach me far more about myself than I expect. (but now i'm expecting it.... hmmmm)

anyway, 

I'm home.

I'm really excited to work at Roseville String Camp!

I'm so pumped for the Mississippi River Challenge

I still can't get enough lemonade.

I'm actually going to practice this summer.

And my family still rocks. 

So I was on the luther website, and the spotlight was on a chemistry professor here. This was in his spotlight, and I was just overwhelmed by it. I'm not a chemist, I don't do things in labs but this goes beyond that. Maybe you have to know things about me, or whats going on, but just take this. 

“It’s exhilarating to get to the point where students aren’t deterred by the fact that 95 percent of things you attempt in lab will fail,” Brad says, admitting that he himself has caused three (small) lab fires in his career. “It’s not something the students have done wrong—that’s just the way things behave. Once students get to that point and beyond, they’re poised to succeed in research enterprise.”

"that's just the way things behave"

so brilliant.

"You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body" - CS Lewis

I found this on my friend Jaci's facebook, and it really struck me. I've been thinking a lot lately about identification and how I see myself and others. I ALWAYS associate a person with their body, and I think that their appearance effects their personality. It's difficult to separate soul/mind from body. Like, what would my personality look like if I didn't look like me? I think it seems really unnecessary, but it's not. Personally, I'm finding it to be a really effective part of self identification/ definition. 

um that's all for now, because my stomach is really upset with me.