advice

In teaching lessons this summer, I found myself doing what all my teachers before me had done - repeat themselves.

I sort of had an issue with it, just because it was new... but then I realized that I liked the things I was saying. Perfect example, "I want you to know its okay to make mistakes. We aren't trying to be perfect, we're just trying to play it better than last time". I said this in hopes of making playing for me less scary / stressful / high stakes for a 5th grader.

Well, now is the time when those words come back to haunt me. (Like when I told Carah my favorite/least favorite thing that "You don't have to want to, you just have to" and now she tells me that all the time).

I recently had a day that did NOT meet my expectations for whatever reason. I felt unprepared, disorganized, and not into it. All of these things that were going on. I just was checked out. So. first of all... huge reminder to be present and aware of what in the world i should be doing.

well, after significant upsets, I was feeling defeated. How could I think I'd be a good music teacher when I'd had this awful day of performances, preparations, and lessons. (To be clear, the choir I was working with sounded good, I just was unprepared)

what was i supposed to think would make the rest of my career any different than yesterday?
so, i told my mom.
and she said some things that really did make me feel okay. not perfect or happy or better, it just made sense and felt right.

what i've figured out is that theory and practice are 2 very different things. saying its okay that it's not perfect is not the same as being emotionally okay with a performance that was less than expected. its much harder to accept my faults than it is for me to identify my students' and try to help them with it. shouldn't i be able to teach myself to be a teacher? is that a chicken or the egg moment?

anyway, i'm just shooting for better next time.
cause that's what i've got to look forward to :)
lots of next times.
lots of room for improvement.

HALLELUJA

i succeeded in re-claiming my blog.

dear google,

i win.

-emm


ps thanks for the directions this time.