3 months of summer

and it was a summer of firsts

1st long distance relationship (we knew it'd only be for summer)
1st complete SNL episode watched
1st consumption of honey mustard
1st viewing of lord of the rings
1st time touching a cow
1st time taking a nap at a professor's house
1st time driving a four wheeler
1st time getting legitimately lost on my own (what do you mean i took the wrong highway for over an hour!?)
and it was the first time in a long while that i've honestly felt GOOD about being a music teacher. often I have just felt it my destiny. not forced upon me by peers, parents, or teachers. just... what i was supposed to do. it was this summer that i felt, once again, that ache to connect and create with people.

so, i also watched the weston noble documentary for the first time this summer (just tonight, actually) and in it he said "we forget how dreadfully students need love, how terribly they need affirmation, and that they need to know that where they are is OK"

okay so those aren't the exact words, but most of them are right! so.... there you go. this is me saying, if you are a student, have a student, or somehow relate to students - keep that in your brain.

on another thought, things are changing relating to my choir/orchestra dilema.
(not really cryptic, but not really citing any details. mwahahahaha)

anyway, i'm going to pack now. i'm leaving tomorrow for the local foods tour first year immersion program trip! me, two alumni, and 6 or 7 incoming first years, eating, talking about food, working, cooking, camping, all kinds of good stuff.

SEE YOU AT SCHOOL, SUCKAS

freaked me out

so i was thinking about the beginning of summer earlier today, and remembered telling Paul that what I was dealing with was a big bowl of scary and new, and that i felt i had to stomach it on my own. i realized in that moment that my nervous thoughts and worries about luther 2010-2011 are also a big bowl of scary and new, and it will always be me stomaching it on my own (with the encouragement of others, of course).

this lead to two major thoughts


A) how thankful i am for the people around me. I rely on conversation to process and make decisions - academic, personal, relating to decorating or irrational behavior.

B) what if i'm making choices based on avoiding fears. similar to picking a jurry piece similar to one i don't want to sing, JUST so they won't pick that song, what if i'm chosing to be a teacher because i like the repetition and safety of routine? I don't doubt my desires to be an educator, and I believe that whatever my motivation, it will be a challenging and fruitful jouney. But, it does make me wonder how strong of a person i am.

am i satisfied with my weaknesses? do i accept them as a part of me, if they let other people in?
right now i say hell yeah.
but there's got to be a way to let people in while still being independent and self sufficient, right?
in the words of atmosphere, "i'm trying to find a balance. i'm trying to build a balance"

-em