it is well with my soul

Finally starting to feel like I'm getting the hang of it (it being my current life), which obviously means it's time for something to go wrong, haha. But seriously, I'm feeling almost comfortable, I'm feeling mostly successful, and most of all, I'm still learning a lot.

Homecoming was this past weekend, and I think it caused a lot of reflection and set some thought wheels a turnin'. yep, a turnin'.

I called my parents on the way home from Luther, and talked about how hard it was to see the place that I love and count as one of homes continuing on wonderfully. Shouldn't that feel good? Well, yeah, but to be apart from it is what sucked. Anyway, driving down, I was nervous. I was a little scared. How was my old home going to feel and be now that I have accepted a new sort of life?

It was easier than I thought. I was talking to my parents about it, and I said "I think the whole moving out of our house, and me living away from home has made this easier in a way", and my dad said something to the effect of, "No, you're probably just growing up". I know that I may not feel this way very often or say this phrase ever again, but I am growing up.

It somehow reminds me of a particularly powerful piece of writing I've held close to me for a while now.

After a while you learn the subtle difference 

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, 

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning 

And company doesn't mean security. 

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts 

And presents aren't promises, 

And you begin to accept your defeats 

With your head up and your eyes open 

With the grace of a[n adult], not the grief of a child, 

And you learn to build all your roads on today 

Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans 

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. 

After a while you learn... 

That even sunshine burns if you get too much. 

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul, 

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. 

And you learn that you really can endure... 

That you really are strong 

And you really do have worth... 

And you learn and learn... 

With every good-bye you learn.

So maybe this giant shit show of a transitional period in my life outside of graduating was there to make graduating seem less awful. Maybe I just needed more things to think about (just kidding). I don't know. It felt so good to be back in decorah. I ate the Blancas, I spent my Sunday morning at magpie and my former place of employment, the cutest rural lutheran norwegian church EVER, and I saw my non-genetic and ever-loving families at Luther. As much as it hurt because I missed it, it felt right to be separate from it. I feel bigger. I feel like it was time. It was and is time for me to stretch and try out something new. To start. To be scared shitless. If you're comfortable, you're doing it wrong. It is well with my soul. 

So maybe the goodbye to Luther is another way of learning to be me without depending on something else for identity. I mean, obviously, Luther will always be a part of me - but it won't control every aspect of my life. It's time for me to take what I love about and learned from Luther and make it part of my life. Time to be intentional about WHO I am and WHERE I am. 

Soli Deo Gloria

improvements

dear friends,

i now feel that I COULD be a solid elementary music teacher. I've been planning for and teaching 3 of the 5 grades completely ON MY OWN. and my students called me magic johnson yesterday. To back up my self evaluation, I had an evaluation by my advisor that was my best yet! wham bam, steal a ham.

it was really hard for me to buckle down and spend a lot of time planning - i lost a lot of sleep over it, but it's so worth it. the kids are great, and most of the time we have lots of fun :)

to top it all off, i had a pumpkin pie blizzard from DQ tonight, ANNNNNNNNNNND

http://pitchfork.com/news/48056-sufjan-stevens-announces-new-christmas-box-set/

news of a new sufjan stevens christmas box set.
so much joy in my life.
OH, AND!
I get to be in Luther Land (aka Decorah) this weekend for homecoming.

friday, my cooperating teacher's gone, so guess who's teaching everybody all the things?
me
:)