so i was thinking about the beginning of summer earlier today, and remembered telling Paul that what I was dealing with was a big bowl of scary and new, and that i felt i had to stomach it on my own. i realized in that moment that my nervous thoughts and worries about luther 2010-2011 are also a big bowl of scary and new, and it will always be me stomaching it on my own (with the encouragement of others, of course).
this lead to two major thoughts
A) how thankful i am for the people around me. I rely on conversation to process and make decisions - academic, personal, relating to decorating or irrational behavior.
B) what if i'm making choices based on avoiding fears. similar to picking a jurry piece similar to one i don't want to sing, JUST so they won't pick that song, what if i'm chosing to be a teacher because i like the repetition and safety of routine? I don't doubt my desires to be an educator, and I believe that whatever my motivation, it will be a challenging and fruitful jouney. But, it does make me wonder how strong of a person i am.
am i satisfied with my weaknesses? do i accept them as a part of me, if they let other people in?
right now i say hell yeah.
but there's got to be a way to let people in while still being independent and self sufficient, right?
in the words of atmosphere, "i'm trying to find a balance. i'm trying to build a balance"
-em
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment