frames

Through a really frustrating, tough conversation, I learned a lot about me. How I act, what I talk about a lot, how the way I process things is not the same as others, etc.

What really struck me is how much other people influence my decisions. Like spite. I'll do something just because it will piss someone else off. Or, choose not to spend time with someone because they are friends with a specific person. Other people influence my decisions so much - and it's not direct. It's ME giving other people these influences.

What if I just decided I wanted to do something for me? What if all my decisions where based on me and what I wanted, regardless of other people. It sounds really self centered, but I really don't think it is. Deciding for yourself is probably the prime example of self worth. that doesn't mean deciding without considering other people - just knowing what you would do on your own, without other people there is strength.

well, that's what i'm working on now.
not dismissing my passive behavior, compromises, or spiteful decisions as grace or self preservation.