As someone who cares about education and learning, I often find myself mentioning the word development - speaking of them as clearly defined stages, like mile markers on the highway.
I read something a while ago that said something about outgrowing dependency. Isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing now? Growing up - separating, defining, and exploring myself. free of influence.
If this is a part of growing, am I still developing? I thought stages of development were supposed to stop at like 18. But now that I think about it, there was definitely something in my Ed Psych textbook about the main struggle and questions of each decade in life.
i guess i'm just here to whine. as usual. when do i get answers. when do i get to feel secure?
I'm beginning to wonder if I will be able to recognize something that I'm sure about. It seems like such a foreign, unlikely thing - to be sure. In a big picture kind of way - not the "this answer to question #8 on my math homework is right. i'm sure" kind of way.
is doing something you're not sure of an act of courage or stupidity? I'm not even speaking of some specific thing, but just in general. I'm beginning to wonder if i'm slowly walking of a cliff with my chin held high.
a very wise woman once told me (and continues to tell me) not to wish time away.
but SERIOUSLY can I just be 25 already? I'd like to know whether or not I'm any good in a classroom. I'd like to know where I'll be geographically. I'd like to know WHAT I'm going to teach because YES i do have an identity complex over my "emphasis" or "specialty". I'd like to know if I can even live on my own.
Seriously, this is the me in a nutshell. Never where I want to be. Always wanting to be a step ahead. moderately frustrated and mostly impatient. or, put more simply - always the little girl in the back seat saying "ARE WE THERE YET?".
c'mon little girl, take a friggin nap.
you'll get there.
calm down.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
independent
I'm sure I've already written about this, as I'm sure you already know - I have the same epiphanies over and over. I think. This time, I've taken it to a different level, which I'm sure is the point of the repetition.
Point/Question being:
Do you think you can form your identity without peers or instructors/bosses?
Can one ever be un-influenced and independent of others?
Is there such a thing as "your truest self"?
So far, in my life, I'm finding that I am incredibly influenced and therefore somewhat formed by my peers and those whose opinion I find valuable. (But hold the phone, isn't my opinion original? .... probably not) I am also finding that I am many different people - I change frequently. I don't know if that's because I change based on who I am around, or if I truly have many capacities and facets to my personality.
This is what this whole blog was supposed to be about - being your own person.
That is, after all, why I changed my name to Emmalee. To be my own person.
To form my identity myself - while recognizing (and paying respect) to those who have helped me to form myself this far.
Now I'm lost in my own thoughts.
Here's a concrete thought for you - if that's what you were looking for.
Listen to the new Sufjan Stevens album - Age of Adz.
OH MY GOD. SO GOOD.
Point/Question being:
Do you think you can form your identity without peers or instructors/bosses?
Can one ever be un-influenced and independent of others?
Is there such a thing as "your truest self"?
So far, in my life, I'm finding that I am incredibly influenced and therefore somewhat formed by my peers and those whose opinion I find valuable. (But hold the phone, isn't my opinion original? .... probably not) I am also finding that I am many different people - I change frequently. I don't know if that's because I change based on who I am around, or if I truly have many capacities and facets to my personality.
This is what this whole blog was supposed to be about - being your own person.
That is, after all, why I changed my name to Emmalee. To be my own person.
To form my identity myself - while recognizing (and paying respect) to those who have helped me to form myself this far.
Now I'm lost in my own thoughts.
Here's a concrete thought for you - if that's what you were looking for.
Listen to the new Sufjan Stevens album - Age of Adz.
OH MY GOD. SO GOOD.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
be careful what you wish for
cause it might be awesome.
strangz is hittin the pavement going 40 mph (10 per gig we've been offered). which doesn't sound like a lot, i know, but its way faster than i anticipated!
i'm loving foundations. sometimes i get frustrated with how much conversation we have. my previous teachers would have a hard time believing i don't like a class in which all we do is talk (okay really, its not ALL that we do). but i wanna try stuff. all the conversations we're having - i want to see them in action NOW. i want to try it out, even if it means we all behave like 2nd graders for one person trying out teaching. not the most realistic, i'm aware. but i want to try to see what these ideas LOOK LIKE.
personally, its a really challenging course. i wouldn't say its academically demanding, but nonetheless an important developmental experience.
i was about to go through all my classes, but then i realized that i'd pretty much be saying the same thing over and over again - i really enjoy it, its anywhere from not to incredibly challenging, i would change ____ about the course structure, but overall, i just wish i wasn't taking all of these at the same time. i truly wish my academic courses were laid out in a way that i only had two or three of them, and i went in depth and had a lot of time to spend on it outside of class.
that right there, along with the statements "i strongly dislike insurance companies and automated phone services" and, "the term 'lozenge' is pretty misleading" pretty much sums up my life for the last week.
strangz is hittin the pavement going 40 mph (10 per gig we've been offered). which doesn't sound like a lot, i know, but its way faster than i anticipated!
i'm loving foundations. sometimes i get frustrated with how much conversation we have. my previous teachers would have a hard time believing i don't like a class in which all we do is talk (okay really, its not ALL that we do). but i wanna try stuff. all the conversations we're having - i want to see them in action NOW. i want to try it out, even if it means we all behave like 2nd graders for one person trying out teaching. not the most realistic, i'm aware. but i want to try to see what these ideas LOOK LIKE.
personally, its a really challenging course. i wouldn't say its academically demanding, but nonetheless an important developmental experience.
i was about to go through all my classes, but then i realized that i'd pretty much be saying the same thing over and over again - i really enjoy it, its anywhere from not to incredibly challenging, i would change ____ about the course structure, but overall, i just wish i wasn't taking all of these at the same time. i truly wish my academic courses were laid out in a way that i only had two or three of them, and i went in depth and had a lot of time to spend on it outside of class.
that right there, along with the statements "i strongly dislike insurance companies and automated phone services" and, "the term 'lozenge' is pretty misleading" pretty much sums up my life for the last week.
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