perspective

those strong moments of doubt come and go, but they somehow to manage to stick with you sometimes.

like when I was in Vienna:

I went to the Vienna International School with one of my collegues and one of my professors (who happened to be in vienna at the same time as me!). It was a really great (30 minute) experience. I loved the school environment, met a lot of friendly teachers who were working hard for students, and a lot of respectful and interesting students working hard. What i LOVED was the k-12 aspect of the school, separate and together all at the same time. I was thinking, "man, if all international schools are THIS sweet, I really DO want to work here for a long time", confirming one of my long time dreams. It was such a relief to finally see what I've been wanting and imagining for such a long time. I think I decided on teaching internationally sometime during my senior year of high school, after I decided that the Peace Corps wasn't for me. How I decided this, I don't know. I don't pretend to make sense now, and I won't lie and tell you I made sense then, either. Riding the UBahn home, my professor was talking about a Luther grad who was working at that school, about her european lifestyle, with a european military boyfriend, and her plans to go to a ball that night. It all seemed so unreal - so dream like. It seemed dream like, because it's what i've been dreaming of for so long, and here it was just sitting in front of me (actually, behind me a couple stops on the U6). I instantly began to doubt.

how do i get there? what about my family and friends? could i live, not just visit, but honest to god settle myself in a place without peanut butter or drinking fountains? where i stuck out like a chicken in a library?

i don't know. i've doubted. but i desire. and i think that the only way to know is to try.
in a couple years.
so why am i thinking about this now?
can't stop. won't stop. (rockafeller records, baby?)