always in transition

So,
all these concepts I hold important in a classroom, I don't even know what they are, or have stopped to think about weather or not they are actually necessary. I'm speaking specifically about my recent work at north winn - improving behavior and academic performance (NOT NECESSARILY MEANING EDUCATION) through self worth. I will be the first to admit that I have a hard time believing in myself, and that is certainly an aspect of self worth I constantly am learning about - how I feel about me. This summer, I was talking with my voice instructor, and we got to this subject. He gave me a quote from Martha Graham (who I had just learned about at Luther!) that confuses the issue of self worth for me. I'll share the whole quote, then touch on the specific troubling part.

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

okay now read it again.

this along with someone telling me the key to happiness is to not confuse your work with who you are, have really confused me. I've always thought that I needed to be happy with my job to be happy with my life. What if I just was something I was good at, like a professional color coder and then did lots of other things besides my job, that were the things I actually cared about. I've always known that when I grow up (when ever the hell that is...) that I want to be a real, whole, person.

Pines of Rome is really distracting me right now. too intense. i cannot keep going. (Pines of the Appian Way)